Posted by: S | April 8, 2011

Pia Goes Home, Judges Still Suck

Its possible that last night’s American Idol marked the most shocking elimination since Jennifer Hudson. So how did America get it so wrong?  Well, if you look at what happened, you’ll see that maybe it wasn’t really our fault.

If Idol were a running man dance contest or a contest to see who could prove themselves as a bigger bitch, I’d be more than qualified to make my own judgements. But in singing, I, like most viewers need to rely of the judges comments for guidance. Of course, I know who I like (Pia) and who I can’t stand (the girl with the raspy voice), but aside from appearance and performance value, I don’t even know what “pitchy” means, let alone how to recognize it.

So let’s review this past week’s judges comments. Everyone was “in it to win it” (thanks Randy, I had no idea they were interested in winning) and “doing them like no one else could” (as I stated weeks ago, what the fuck does this mean). To make my point clear, I have not heard a criticism big or small from the judges in weeks. While its lovely that this show now represents rainbows and smiley faces, if they’re not going to judge, I’m sure the millions of dollars that Fox pays their high profile judges could be better spent on the country’s deficit.

But wait! That’s right! This week there were a few comments! Look at them earning their paycheck.  Randy thought Stefano “started out rushing the song but then pulled it together nicely” and Jennifer thought that Pia “was great, but could be even greater”. Everyone else was great with not one questionable comment or even advice for the future, thought I thought it was strange they didn’t mention that Scotty’s hip shaking was reminicent of a small town child molester. Its funny that the only two criticized ended up in the bottom two. Its ironic that their criticism barely qualified as negative feedback.  But thats my entire point! A lack of comments leaves voters with not a clue who to vote for, causing them to grasp on to the tinyest comments and label that contestant the bad one of the night.

The judges really need to get their act together because this is becoming a pattern.   Lone criticized Naima went home last week, and now Pia this week.  However, Naima really sucked as a human, so I’m not ready to raise my conspiracy flag just yet, but these votes are no coincidence.  I don’t believe the judges intended for this to happen.  But ya know what, its time to look yourself in the mirror and realize that week after week your lack of comments have created a pseudo witch hunt for those mildly criticized.

For my girl Pia, I can only advise that she look to take after her predecessor J.Hud.  I’d like to see her cast in the upcoming musical reboot Footloose or maybe even get her into the new Rock of Ages movie.  And Pia, if all else fails, Britney Spears is looking for an opening act.  Get on that girl, you’ll bounce right back.

Posted by: S | March 30, 2011

Power Rangers: Where Are They Now

Take primary colors, the ability to morph into scientific states of being, and mix them with teenage attitudes and you get one thing.  No, not my 11th grade chemistry class! I’m talking about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. 

Though I was too young to notice the obvious racism (the black ranger was black, and the list goes on), and too naive to wonder how Tommy and Kimberly had time to make out when they were so busy saving the world, I was a loyal supporter.  Rita, Lord Zed, and even Ivan Ooze were amongst many villians who had no chance against the Rangers; always able to prevail at the end of each 24 minute episode.

Jason was the fearless leader you could always count on for motivation. Zach was so cool, thats all I got on that.   Billy was a nerd but he knew everything so that was fine.  Tommy was the bad boy trying to change and fighting for the right reasons (every girl loves a fixer upper). Kimberly was beautiful and Trini was, well, I guess they just needed another girl in the group.  So where are they now? Let’s find out.

Jason Lee Scott, The Red Ranger.  Real Name: Austin St. John.  Being the Red Ranger was his life’s claim to fame, making several guest appearances after his stint on both TV and in movies.  Austin stayed into martial arts and wrote a boring book about it.

then and now, yuck.

Zach Taylor, The Black Ranger.  Real Name: Walter Jones.  After being kicked off the show due to contract desputes, Walter rejoined the series but only able to do voiceovers (talk about sucking).  This led to other voiceover work and multiple commericals for Bank of America.  Jones was arrested in 2009 for DUI.  See mug shot below.

see mug shot on left

Billy Cranston, The Blue Ranger.  Real Name: David Yost.  After spending several seasons on the show, David claimed he was asked to leave by producers because of his sexuality.  Not being able to accept himself, he spent two years with the “Prey the Gay Away” program.  When that didn’t work (no shit) he moved to Mexico and eventually accepted himself.

poor billy.

Trini Kwan, The Yellow Ranger.  Real Name: Thuy Trang.  She dabbled in acting for a few years, never really getting her big break.  She tragically died in a car accident in 2001 at the age of 27.

i love how they're everyday clothes were the color of their ranger suit.

Kimberly Hart, The Pink Ranger.  Real Name: Amy Jo Johnson.  This pretty girl went on to featured roles on shows like Felicity and What About Brian.  She’s still working, though the highlight of her career came in the year 2000 when she was nominated for a Teen Choice Award for Best Choice Side Kick.

unfortunately she and tommy never married

Tommy Oliver, The Green Ranger.  Real Name: Jason David Frank.  This pony tailed young fellow stuck with the Rangers for a while, but then went on to pursue his passion in mixed martial arts, and cut his pony tail.  He’s won some fights and has some awards in fighting, none of which I cared to read about in depth.

i wonder if he still exhales "keeya" when he punches

Posted by: L | March 30, 2011

Mr. Met’s BJ Club

Are we really surprised? The dude loves balls on his face.

Are you kidding me?  Is this real?  As if the Mets don’t have enough to contend with this year.  The Mets really can’t get anything right.  Mets ownership has come under serious fire in recent months stemming from their alleged alliances with Bernie Madoff and an unwillingness to spend money on talent.  In what can only be an attempt to save face to the public, the Mets announced their efforts to sell certain Left Field tickets for a reduced price ($10 for kids, $20 for adults).  This initiative is part of a partnership between the Mets and “BJ’s Wholesalers”.  What do the geniuses call this movement, well of course “Mr. Met’s BJ Club.”  When these morons realized their unintended pun, they promptly changed the name of the promotion to “BJ’s Clubhouse”.  But the damage is done.

I can only imagine the shit that my fellow Met fans and I will receive from this.  I’m waiting for the day in June when the Mets are 10 games under .500, when visiting Yankee Fans start a “METS SUCK DICK” chant.  Not only will it be true, but it will also be funny.  Damnit.

By September when the stands are completely empty, is the section gonna be renamed the “Mets HJ Club”?   I think so, the dude’s gonna be tired. Barstool Sports argues that the Mets would be better off actually offering oral sex from Mr. Met as a real promotion.  I tend to agree.  This will certainly give new meaning to “Mr. Met Bobblehead Day”.

Perhaps this injury was caused by extensive kneeling...

Maybe I’m wrong, and the head of marketing for the Mets is a genius. Perhaps they plan promote “BJ’s Clubhouse” to potential free agents.  Maybe the team’s financial problems will be a non-factor in the pursuit of Albert Pujols.  If that’s the case, then I apologize for my prior comments.

Looking forward to a fun fun season!

Posted by: S | March 30, 2011

Mike Catherwood Voted Off Dancing

While it makes sense that a contestant with the lowest scores, and lowest fan base would be the first to be voted off the show, I think that fans will truly miss his comedic qualities, good looks, and all around fun attitude.  The draw of a contestant that flirts with his partner constantly (she’s been flirting back) should not be overlooked, as there is nothing that fans of this show love more than a dancefloor romance.  In addition, with the subpar performance of should-be-fun-to-watch Wendy Williams, last night’s elimination leaves this season already down it’s lone funny man. 

So as I said, this elimination was predictable, and dare I say deserved. But let us know pay homage the “peppergrinder” techniques of our fallen DJ as he dances his last dance.

Posted by: M | March 29, 2011

My Dream Radio Station

I have a love hate relationship with NY Sports Talk Radio.  I recognize its better here than most places around the country – trust me, listening to hicks from Virginia call in about the Redskins for 4 years of college was brutal.  And as big of a music fan as I am, rare is the time that I am in my car without either WFAN or ESPN Radio on.  Some hosts I love.  Some I hate.  Some callers are funny, most are brutal.

Here is my “dream team.”  Who I would hire as my NY Sports Radio team if I was station manager.

Morning Drive: 6am-10am: Boomer and Carton


What frustrates me most about drive time radio in NYC is the lack of balance.  During the morning commute, listeners are given two excellent options: Boomer and Carton, and Mike and Mike.  While both shows have their flaws, I could listen to both shows for all four hours straight if given the opportunity.  I chose Boomer and Carton for this spot because they are more of the morning type guys.  They don’t get as in depth into sports as Mike and Mike, but they are a lot funnier, and a lot more entertaining.  To say it plainly, they wake me up in the morning better than Mike and Mike do.  I’d rather start my day by laughing at these two goofballs than by pondering deeply about PED’s in baseball or who won the NC State-UNC game last night and why Digger Phelps thinks its a big deal.  I also am biased, because I enjoy NY sports talk infinitely more than national.  Fear not, Mike and Mike fans – they will appear later in the day.

Mid Day: 10am-12pm: Don LaGreca and Brandon Tierney

A true face for radio

So, I’ve shortened the typical 3 hour long mid-day show to two hours.  I like BT a lot, in that he speaks his mind, doesn’t pull punches, and pretty much knows his stuff.  I think Don LaGreca may be the most underrated guy in NY sports radio.  He’s very smart, he’s not an arrogant prick (see: Francessa, Kay), and he embraces the fact that he is a fan.  He’s also become a lot more pleasant as of late.  Jody Mac is ok, but I think he’s a poor man’s Don LaGreca.

Afternoons: 12pm-4pm: Joe and Evan


I really struggled with the one.  Beningo and Roberts is without a doubt my favorite show on NY sports radio.  Both guys are great.  They both bring so much emotion – you can tell that they live and die by their teams (which happen to be, except for one of Evan’s, all the same as my teams).  Joe brings his age, experience, NY swag, and PAIN.  Evan is a rising star.  He knows more about sports than I think anyone else on this list, and he can be both passionate and objective at the same time.  Both of these guys also appreciate their callers and don’t treat them like shit.  My only concern about Evan is that sometimes, I think he tries to emulate Francessa a bit – Francessa after all is the most “succesful” (emphasis on the quotes) in the business.  And I don’t like that.  But as long as he’s himself, I’ll listen to these guys during my lunch break, on the way home from school, etc. every day.  And the podcast.

Evening Drive: 4pm- 7pm Mike and Mike


I struggled with this one also.  Two reasons why.  First, I really wanted Joe and Evan here, but I think that Mike and Mike would do better.  I also struggled in that I thought about ditching Golic and pairing Greeny up with someone else.  The reason being, I like Golic, but i LOVE Greeny.  And I love when Greeny comes on 1050 and talks pure NY sports.  Golic may be the only person on this list who isn’t a New Yorker.  I guess that’s a good thing – a little diversity.  The question remains whether they would stick to the traditional Mike and Mike format, or do NY sports.  I would prefer NY, but I could see listeners preferring national.  Perhaps a nice mix would be in order.

Evenings: 7pm-10pm: Stephen A. Smith and Bonnie Bernstein

Smarter than she looks.


Whaaaaaat!?!? Yeah, i know.  Kind of weird.  Didn’t love Stephen A. on tv, but like him on radio.  I have a soft spot for Bonnie.  Not sure why.  She’s smart, and not annoying.  I think the two of them could compliment each other nicely – Stephen A. brings basketball to the table, Bonnie brings baseball, they both know football.  Could work.  Also, perhaps they would start a romance!

Nights: 10pm-1am: Adam the Bull

Perhaps the most underrated of the WFAN hosts.  Knows his shit, good voice, appreciates the callers…could shine here.

Late Nights: Steve Somers


He’s gotten a bit annoying over the years, but he’s a legend.  And I still have a soft spot for him.  He can get along with his weird callers in the middle of the night here without bothering people who can’t stand his voice

Update Guys: Jerry Recco and Erica Herskowitz


Jerry is smart and pretty funny.  Erica is a fucking smokeshow whose voice is as hot as she is in person – got that “it always seems like she has a cold” voice.  HOT DAMN!

Producer: Al “Hughes” Dukes


How could you not?

Janitor: Michael Kay

Fuck that arrogant big headed asshole.

Intern/Slave: Mike Francessa


Fuck that arrogant, big everythinged asshole.

Posted by: S | March 29, 2011

Jessie Spano Writes a Book?

We live in a world where actors are now novelists, sticking their face on the cover of their life story and calling it journalism.  Snooki, Jesse James, and even the Kardashians all claim they have a story to tell.  But when will this trend stop? I vote now- because Elizabeth Berkley has just released what she calls a self help book for teenage girls entitled, “Ask Elizabeth”.

With no background in psychology or family studies, Elizabeth says she realized this was her calling when she noticed how many of her fans asked for her advice.  This makes me wonder why any professional would bother to waste time getting a degree.  In fact, I know how to use a calculator, so I’m thinking of becoming an accountant next week.  With that said, it’s possible that I’m pre-judging her.

To preface, I’d like to formally admit that I view Elizabeth Berkley and her Saved by the Bell character Jessie Spano as one person, as I assume most of you do.  So with that in mind, this book has potential to be mildly entertaining.  Let’s take a walk down memory lane… As the brains of the group, she is class President, dates a cute jock with dimples, and suffers from an addiction to caffine pills (insert I’m So Excited lyrics here).  Then she stars in Showgirls and her career is tarnished forever.  Sounds like Elizabeth has a lot of life experience from which to speak to teenage girls about.

But wait.  In a recent interview, Berkley states, “I don’t talk about the ‘Saved by the Bell’ time in the book…I talk about other periods in my professional life, but more having to do with me now as a woman.” OHHHH.  This changes everything.

To recap, she’s going to advise us on issues for which she’s not qualified, and not discuss the one topic I’d acutally be interested in hearing.  By taking her alter ego Jessie’s experiences out of the equation, she leaves me no choice but to assume that I’d just be reading about Showgirls.  No thanks Elizabeth.  Maybe I’ll catch you on the Zack Attack band’s reunion tour.

Posted by: S | March 28, 2011

Black Swan: Battle for Center Stage

After seeing that not one, but three articles were posted today on Entertainment Weekly, I learned that dance double Sarah Lane claimed that she did 95% of Natalie Portman’s dancing in the movie Black Swan.  It appears that the media has been in a frenzy both questioning and defending the actress’ body of work that earned her the Oscar for Best Actress.  Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky came to the defense of Portman, claiming that he had the shots counted, and that 90% of the dancing was done by Natalie, not her (what would seem to be) lying dance double. 

Now, I’m no member of the Academy, but the Oscar is called Best Actress, not best dancer.  So forgive me if I’m wrong, but the Academy Awards are not code for “best actors who truly possess the skill set they’re claiming to show on screen”.  So maybe Natalie really did dance those scenes.  Maybe dance double Sarah Lane did.  But most importantly, who really gives a shit? This should not be news either way.

Posted by: S | March 28, 2011

Beauty Queen Loses Crown for Eating Tacos

We see it every now and then, a chosen winner loses their award for something controversial.  Reggie Bush took money from his agent, he loses his Heisman.  Milli Vanilli lipsyncs, their Grammy gets revoked.  The newest addition to controversy- a Texas Beauty Queen was stipped of her crown (only to win it back in court this morning) for wait for it… eating too many tacos!

(the before picture)

Pagent officials claimed that Domonique Ramirez, the 17 year old Miss San Antonio had breached her contract for gaining weight due to taco consumption, and therefore made her bikini photo shoot pictures “unusable”.  Before the dispute landed itself in the court of law, pagent officials instructed Ramirez to “get off the tacos”.  I’m laughing, are you?  I can only wonder if these officials would’ve had the same reaction if her weight gain was caused by Wendy’s.

During a grueling court case, jury members were asked to review the bikini

"Sitting at a trial is boring, I wonder what time lunch is"

photos in question, and establish whether Ramirez did in fact breach her contract (aka, if she no longer looked attractive in a bikini).  Through what must have been envasive and embarrasing, the person I feel bad for is Taco Bell.  As if they don’t have enough trouble proving to people that their food is not disgusting.  Now they’ve scared off anyone who ever aspires to be in a Beauty Pagent.   Thankfully for Ramirez and Taco Bell’s publicist, a unatimous jury overturned the Pagent’s decision and returned her crown. 

This decision also makes Ramirez eligible to enter the Miss Texas Pagent later this year.  Though I wonder how she’ll get very far in the competition, unless her skill is to win a taco eating contest.

Posted by: S | March 28, 2011

Movie Review: The Lincoln Lawyer

Our girl K is back with another installment of Movie Central. This New York City resident is a girl about town, and she doesn’t mess around.
 

not today ladies...

It is my opinion as an avid moviegoer, that depriving an audience of Mathew McConaughey’s infamous abs is a serious offense. Therefore, it would take a truly entertaining film to redeem itself for this bold costuming choice. Luckily, The Lincoln Lawyer proved itself to be so entertaining and thought provoking, that I found myself more enthralled in the plot twists than McConaughey’s good looks.

As opposed to the majority of films, which feature a main character who is down on their luck in some form; unemployed, unpopular, a virgin, etc, struggling to achieve the ultimate makeover moment, The Lincoln Lawyer begins with defense lawyer Mickey Haller (McConaughey) already on top of his game. The opening sequence of the film convinced me that in my later adult life (when funds are more plentiful), I will have to hire a personal driver chauffeur me around, and insist that a soundtrack of rap music follow me everywhere I go. From the moment The Lincoln Lawyer begins in this exact fashion, it was clear that this was going to be a very entertaining film.

The Lincoln Lawyer appeals to today’s generation of overstimulated, quickly bored moviegoers. Just as James Patterson’s novels hold our attention by featuring chapters no more than 5 pages long, the film doesn’t go more than fifteen minutes without a major breakthrough in the case, sex scene or character revelation.  Adding to the movie’s success is the superb acting of McConaughey, Ryan Phillippe and William H. Macy, all of whom are perfectly cast. 

If you had asked me me a month ago, I would have said that a McConaughey film where I wasn’t trying to lose him in 10 days just wasn’t for me. However, it is clear now that Kate Hudson is going to have to find a new leading man, because McConaughey is at his best when he’s kicking ass and taking names.  As an added bonus,  it was refreshing to see McConaughey’s ex-wife being played by my girl Marisa Tomei, as opposed to some twenty year old bimbo (hello Blake Lively). Tomei is great as McConaughey’s ex and fellow lawyer associated with the case, proving that leading women don’t need to chose between being hot or intelligent.

Overall, The Lincoln Lawyer is a film that has something for everyone. If the storyline doesn’t do it for you, and the bumping soundtrack isn’t your cup of tea, then just stare at McConaughey and Phillippe for an hour and call it a day. One final note, if anyone reading this lives in the NYC area and would like to be my driver, please contact me, as I would love to become the BMW Blogger.

Posted by: L | March 28, 2011

STOP THE BLEEDING!!!

This really hurts.  Every day its a new loss.  I hate that Carmelo is being criticized, because with the exception of a game or two, he’s the best player on the floor.  Amar’e has slowed down considerably, and Billups has really been bad.  His shooting has been very poor, and his turnover rate is way too high.  Unfortunately, D’Antoni needs to change his game plan.  His team as constructed now does not mesh with his style.  His best three point shooter is also his superstar, and other wing players like Shawne Williams, Landry Fields, and Toney Douglas are far too inconsistent from outside.

I think that the trade was necessary, but the team is worse off for the remainder of the season.  We need size. Maybe a new coach.  Even Kwame Brown killed us.  God, this has been so bad.  It just sucks that in our revitalization season, we may fail to win 40 games.  I’m embarassed.

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